Lately my four year old has been asking a lot of questions, she is very inquisitive (just like any 4 year old). She is very interested in the human body, and every night before bed we don't read a fairy tale (which would be my choice) but one of her many books on the human body - these books and the many questions that arise from them I can handle....
She has told me that when she grows up she wants to be a Doctor on Monday, a Hairdresser on Tuesdays (she loves her hairdresser), a Clown on Wednesdays (she thinks it would be fun to juggle all day), and a Scientist on Thursdays (she loves doing experiments) - I think Friday is the day she wants to play!!! Anyway this is getting off the track ....
The questions some days seem relentless - and I don't mind questions like
"Why is the sky blue" ...
"Why is the sky blue" ...
Or, "How is honey made" ....
Those are questions I can handle.
But lately every night she has also been asking these confronting questions - (sorry I don't mean to offend anyone, and I forgive you if you stop reading now) - "What happens when we die", "Where will I wake up", "Will I wake up", "When will I die" ....
But lately every night she has also been asking these confronting questions - (sorry I don't mean to offend anyone, and I forgive you if you stop reading now) - "What happens when we die", "Where will I wake up", "Will I wake up", "When will I die" ....
Now, next year she is booked into the local Catholic school so I guess I thought that they would handle any of these sticky questions - and that they wouldn't be asked until then. We are looking forward to her going to this school, but we are not terribly religious ourselves - we don't attend church regularly and I am not well equipped to answer her questions.
When I tell her she will go to heaven, she cries and says she doesn't want to go there - she wants to stay in Brisbane. So as my four year old cries because she is afraid of dying ..... I sit with her and don't really know what to say - your advice would really be helpful here as I find after these conversations - when she is drifting off to sleep I let my tears flow silently for the big scary world that I can't control for her.
When I tell her she will go to heaven, she cries and says she doesn't want to go there - she wants to stay in Brisbane. So as my four year old cries because she is afraid of dying ..... I sit with her and don't really know what to say - your advice would really be helpful here as I find after these conversations - when she is drifting off to sleep I let my tears flow silently for the big scary world that I can't control for her.
Have any of you found yourselves in a similar situation? How did you handle it?
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Sorry to go all serious on you - to a happier topic now - remember these?
The bedsides have now gone to a new home with Jenny from The Five Year Project - she bought them for her sister who is planning on giving them a French look. Jenny is just lovely in person, and if you haven't had a chance to visit her blog then please knock on her door here. It was so nice to meet her after following her blog for so long. How wonderful to know that those bedsides have gone to a good home - and that we may get a sneak peek when they are finished!Hope you are all having a great week - we have been having the most wonderful Spring days here in Brisbane. Michelle
oh reading that made my eyes go shiney........my little one isn't old enough yet but i'm sure those questions will come, it must be hard because i don't like the thought of anything happening to my little man......the only thing i would say is the truth about what you believe in, she will come of an age where her believe system may differ one day.....that's a tuffy and i hope it comes to you, please keep me posted how you get on.....hugs lisa xox
ReplyDeleteI also have a four year old, and relate completely about the barrage of questions. I love google! A friend of mine had a very similiar dilemna to you & her friend (a Catholic school teacher) advised - "treat her questions the same as you would if she asked "why is the sky blue? or Where do babies come from?" Take her to the library and look up different religions ie Christian, Buddhism, Muslim - and talk about how different religions have different and similar traditions/celebrations/beliefs ..." Good luck! :) Sonia
ReplyDeleteMy two boys (4 and 5) always ask me if I'm going to die (I think they're counting down the days) ... but they do get very sad and all I say is that one day everyone will die, and we all go to heaven, and that's when we get to see everyone again.
ReplyDeleteI tell them not to worry about dying, because it's not going to happen for a long time and that they have other things to worry about ... like trains and cars etc ... and I give them a big hug and tell them I love them.
That's probably stretching the truth about dying a bit ... but so's Santa's visit every year ... they've never asked about themselves dying though, so I'm not sure what I'd say to that.
She sounds like a contemplative clever tot, that girl of yours.
Hmmm not sure if this is helpful but maybe if you ask her what she thinks happens after we die and where she would like to go, maybe she could draw some pictures, this way it becomes less abstract for her which maybe what's scaring her. Heaven is an alien place, Brisbane is a known. She is scared of being somewhere unfamiliar rather then being scared of dying if you know what I mean. I had a simalar child...son number 2 who is now 15. He used to ask old relatives why they weren't dead yet as they were old and old people die don't they? Fortunatly they all thought it was hilarious. He was very serious however. He also thought it was a good idea to get my father, his grandad, "stuffed", as in taxidermy, when he died..that way he could always stay with us. He outgrew thinking about it but I think it helps not to make a big deal about it and try and give practical, honest answers and remember its ok to say "I don't know, what do you think?" as some questions, particularly the big ones, don't always have to have an answer and they can also have more than one answer. Hope
ReplyDeleteI haven't rambled on too much cheers Katherine
Poor munchkin. I have no advice sorry, I'm not equipped in the parenting department yet. I do however have a very distinct memory of crying in the kitchen of my childhood home when I was very young after I found out that I would die one day. I cried and I cried. I think it may have been around the time that one of my father's parents died. It's a scary thought for little ones.
ReplyDeleteOh Michelle, what a tough question, she sounds very clever. I have 4 kids & haven't come across this one. When we have had loved ones pass away we have always chosen a star in the sky & said that was our loved one looking down on them which has always been a real comfort. we are not religious, so this works for us. Good Luck!!
ReplyDeleteOh we've been through all this on numerous occasions. I tend to answer honestly according to their age ... example some people believe we go to heaven, this is what I believe ... and explain that. I tell them that I believe there is an invisible cord connecting to us, that will always be there (and that always is there, even when we are apart). And that we carry the memory and love of those who have passed in our minds (memories) and our hearts. Miss 7 recently went into a panic because quite of the female Mums my age we know, are battling or have battled cancer. She thought all Mummies got cancer eventually. It's really awful to think about what will happen after we die, and all I can tell the kids is what I believe. xo
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